I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
