ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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