Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
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