I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
