we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Randomize
