One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
