you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
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