You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Randomize
