Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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