He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
