You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
