absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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