There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
