do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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