is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
No. He burped at a 3 year old, roared at him and proceeded to scream at the kid's parents to watch their child. The manager of Olive Garden was on our side.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Randomize
