I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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