Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
