Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
high people should be assigned attendants
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
