Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
