If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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