I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Randomize