can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
