There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
