What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
