Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
The air was thick with penises
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Randomize
