I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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