I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
I think i peed on brittanys purse
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
The little girl I'm babysitting is having a tea party, the water and chips she's passing out are doing wonders for my hangover.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
