I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Randomize
