they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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