so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I love having hate sex.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
