he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
