At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
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