just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
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