I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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