I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
