im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
Randomize