We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
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