i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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