and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize