The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
sex in a hospital.. check
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
