You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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