I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
