i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
Randomize
