I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
Randomize
