I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
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