dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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