yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
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