The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
You left your underwear on the fireplace
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Randomize
