My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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