I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Randomize
