You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I love how girls just decide that guys who don't like them must be gay
I do the same thing. If a girl doesn't like me...I am like, "i must be gay"
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
Randomize
