if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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