I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Randomize
