Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
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