my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
