It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
