i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
