just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
