your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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