I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
