PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
