dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
