I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
