i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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