Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
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