mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
