OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
