This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Also, beer. Big fan.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
