How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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