I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
