I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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