Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
