he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
you traded sex for a burrito?
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Randomize
