we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I need water and some morals
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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