Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Randomize