We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
That reminds me...we need to get swords
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
