im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
