I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize