I'm so fucking centered right now
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
