my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
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