Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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