I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I skipped work to stalk him.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Randomize
