My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
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