In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
