Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Randomize
