yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
