dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
