My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Randomize