So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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