He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Semen is not good for contacts.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
