I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
