i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize