i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize