remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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