is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
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