Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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