Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I'm having to shit out rocks
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
