I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
