I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
