I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
Randomize