I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
