Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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