she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
