We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize