The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
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