you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Randomize
